New Purposes

It's been weeks since I wanted to pour my thoughts into a blog or something, something that would probably outlived me. I was thinking that I wanted to make notes about some ideas, innovation/ invention kind of thing, or maybe a business idea. I also want to get back to poetry. I also have some (surreal) thoughts about how the Chinese descent Indonesian should do to lessen the racial tension in Indonesia, surely I wanted to write this in Indonesian and in another platform.

So my daughter is going to the basisschool next week. I would have plenty time with my mind. I also have marijuana stashed just to get some inspirational boost. My mind is a mess right now, I'm getting old, and I'm having a brain atrophy, I guess. My memory is wasting away, getting very forgetful, unable to concentrate, having no motivation whatsoever, and next week I have a meeting about another Dutch course.

I'm taking a short course in October-November, in Maastricht. about entrepreneurship. I figured if a stay home dad my age want to make a real money, after a five year of unemployment in the field, he would need to be an entrepreneur. Working for a company is not on the table anymore.

I moved my laptop to my room, when I can work without my daughter having to sit on my lap all the time. Better posture for me, more ergonomic, healthier, and I guess I can concentrate better. Maybe I could even smoke a cigarette here. I don't smoke that much anymore, though, I think I'm at 3 cigs per day.

Oh, I have an idea about a horror movie, that I comes from my experience working early morning, in the dark.

I have thoughts about the purpose of life. But I'm a nihilist wannabe now. I wrote wannabe to avoid criticism, but a nihilist should care less about criticism.

See, this post is deliberately cluttered, thoughts pops in and out, and I just wrote whatever, as quickly as possible, without any regard to structure and grammar, because if I don't write it immediately, it will be gone from my mind. And this mess reflects a fraction of the whole mess on my brain. So I'm repurposing this blog, with a new, rejuvenated thoughts, rising from hell, with a new blogging spirit, which will die soon, because this is just a burst of energy, temporary and it will die quickly, because I just don't have any audience on my blog, no, I am not a very social person. And I write just to help myself with the clutters. errs.

Oh, I'm thinking about bouril, a Czech, who used to exchange e-mail with me, he's gone, I think I remember (no checking) that the last time I wrote him is about having my own company. It has not been a reality, but I must, soon. If I love my wife and my daughter, it should be a fight to the death. I would struggle to make it a reality. But this atrophy. Aaargh.

On the other hand I love being a stay home dad, but I feel that being one does not help with my personal development. On the contrary I think I just regressed to a void. Embracing the void and move on. Now.

Okay, New Purposes!